It's hard.

When you screw up something so badly, and you know it is your own fault, it is already a very awful feeling.

Knowing that what's done is done and it is irreversible.

Knowing that your whole life may be ruined by this very mistake.

Oh, so as to make it more miserable, the people around you starts to question on how did it end up like that.

The people whom you are closest to.

The people whom you care for the most.

The people who cared about you the most.

Or at least I don't think that they really, actually, sincerely cared.

Why? Of course! When you are already at a dead end, struggling so hard to find a way out of it, they all start putting every single blame on you!

Thanks very much for the reminder.

You may as well just push me when I'm standing at the edge of a building.

Just stop talking! Stop those words!

I will break.